So let me tell you a little something about my own story: I can't put on a red dress and make it all better. I can't put on a green dress, a blue dress, or no dress, for that matter. I can't do anything to make it better - but I did succeed making it worse (but that's a different topic). I don't have to change. I don't have to learn and I don't have to do anything, because the truth is, I can't. The life of someone with a disability is not mine to fix. I can't fix this, because I don't have to. All I can do, all I did (and it seems I still do) is love. And yes, it did change me. It took my life and spin it completely until I didn't even know who was starring back at me in the mirror. And I read books. I joined a support group. I learned. I wanted to do my best to adjust and adapt. I tried to figure it all out. I tried to be the best version of myself because I thought that if I will make it my life's goal to do better, to make it better, I will prove that happiness is real and possible, I will prove my love is real. And I'll share with you a little secret: it was all about me. I grew. I loved. I cried and despaired. I learned. I know so much about it that all I want is to become a professional and my life will never be the same again. But it's still all about me. I made myself better. And I made myself stronger. And I loved. And maybe I still love. And maybe I'll love until the end of time. But the other one's life is his own life and I was nothing but a pit stop. Maybe I helped, maybe I didn't. Maybe I made it better, maybe I made it worse. Maybe I'll never know. But it's "me before you". I remember the girl I was a year ago. I see another girl in the mirror. And I'm thankful.
There was literally nothing I wouldn't have done to make it better. But one day I realized the only way to make it better was to do nothing. To let go, to give up, if you will. Yes. I had to bite my heart and eat it up and give up. Because I realized it wasn't about the other, it was about me. I wanted the other to be happy so that I could be happy with him. I wanted the other to feel better so that I would feel better with him. I wanted good things, wonderful things, never-ending love and happiness. But implementing those was not my job. Creating those was not in my hands. I chose to love because I wanted to. I chose to wait because I wanted to. That was my resolution. But the other's decision to live, to try, to fight, that is not my call to make. To live and let live, to love and let go.
And most importantly, to be thankful. Very very thankful. Having someone with a disability in your life is the closest you can get to loving without any conditions, without any measure, without any expectations, to love beyond the power to love. It changes you, it transforms you, it betters you in every way. But what you give to the other, how it affects them or how it transforms them, that is theirs and theirs alone. You have no credit, you have no call.
It's me before you. You made ME better. What I have given you, only you could know. But the only thing I have left to say is: thank you. You weren't just the North of my life, by which I sailed. You have been the Northern Lights: the most beautiful thing I've ever encountered. And I am forever grateful.
