The Lighthouse

I am the lighthouse.
I may seem far away and outside the trembling sea,
but my grounds are always firm and my light will never fade out.
No matter how strong the winds that shake you and how dark the storm,
no matter how violent the waves that toss you and how deep down you sink,
look at me.
I am always there and my light never gets tired and the sand never moves beneath my feet,
I am your lighthouse.
If you remember the night is always darker before the dawn,
the shore will be closer than you think. 

I wrote this a while ago when I was in Israel. And then I printed the picture of a lighthouse and put it on my coffee tumbler to remind me of it every day. And there are days when I feel I'm losing my faith and then I ask myself a set of questions and I answer them and they all sum up to this: "We are here to love: not much else matters" (Francis Chan). And there is another quote I think about every day: "Yes, feeling loved is very important. But loving, my precious girl, that's the necessity." We should never regret loving. Because that would be as if the lighthouse would regret being on the shore casting its light over the sea. Because yes, there are times when I feel sad if I don't feel loved the way I would like to be, and yes again, I feel alone every now and then. But even if all seems lost, I never regret loving and I know, with all that I am, that I do not wish to do otherwise. When I started writing this I was having a moment with God like one has with her only best friend, talking about all my fears and insecurities and how all feels hopeless. And I looked at my tumbler and wondered where does the lighthouse take its light from? I am given mine from God. All this fragile love I feel, all the poor strength I have, all of it, comes from Him. I can't pretend not to have a relationship with God, I can't avoid the subject and act as if all I feel is from myself. "We love because He loved us first."  If I want to keep being a lighthouse I need to be given my light. I need to feel loved, but by God. I need to talk to Him about the things I can't even spell out loud. I need to know Him by my side so that every day I can go on and on without ever feeling like I have nothing left to give. He's the first and He will always be first. Because all the good I have to give He gave it to me first. That's where the lighthouse takes its light from.

Since Advent started I felt the need to get back to this blog. I missed it :)