The Story of Almah - 5th Chapter

The night was cold and Almah's hand was freezing on her cigarette. Warm tears were leaving soft marks on her cheeks. She stood silent for a while, trying to gather her thoughts. Through all the fog in her mind things were starting to catch shape and contour and slowly she could see them more clearly. She felt there was only one way out, and that was out of everything. She couldn't go on like this. Melchior, as always, was right. She was divided and she needed to get herself back together. This could not go on. She was bringing shame to her Kingdom, disappointing her Father and using Joe as a tool for her affectionate needs. It was too much. Her heart grew heavy thinking about what she had to do, or more accurate, what she wanted to do. Leaving everything behind seemed so radical and painful. She had never in her life considered leaving her Kingdom. Who was she outside of it? But the same could be asked about who she was inside of it. Her sense of identity was completely lost. Nothing from her history made sense anymore. It was all just a big whirl of neediness and confusion and mixed feelings and false hope and desperate love and it felt suffocating. How would she ever get out of it?
"Father?" she said, focusing her eyes on the dark night. "I'm here, Almah." her Father's voice sounded calm and soothing. "So Joe's out?" He asked. "Yeah. It has to be. It's not love. It's a need for companionship and affection but it's not love. And it's not going anywhere, but You know that." - "I do" He replied. "But it's still up to you. I never forced you into anything." - "I know. But even I know this is the right thing to do." Her Father put His hand around her shoulders. "I have to go." she added. "Are you sure?" He asked her. "I can't do this anymore. I have to realize who I am. Who I want to be. And when I come back, I want to truly be here. Be more worthy. More aware. This is not how being Your daughter is done. I am failing You. I am a failure. I screw up. That's the truth, Father. I'm a screw-up. And it's not the kind of daughter that I want to be. If I live in Your Kingdom and call myself Your daughter, I should behave like one. And I'm not. And You know that. I can't keep failing You. I have to leave." Her Father looked her in the eyes with deep love and a sense of compassion. He needn't say anything. "I do love You, Father." ... "You know," he finally said, "every time we would get to a point where we would disagree and you, as you have all your life, would feel like you want to walk out and leave, you would always ask me one thing: Don't let me go." Almah looked into her Father's eyes: "I know. I remember. That's why I have to ask you now: let me go. I beg You, let me go. I need to go." - "You can go, Almah. You are free. But we will miss you. This is your home, this is where you belong. Yet you are free. I let you go."
Almah turned from her Father with a broken heart and left. She didn't want to face J., she simply couldn't. She took her ring out, the one they had bought together, the one that symbolized that they would always be beside each other and their bond would always come first, and put it in a safe place. Until she would return home (and deep in her heart Almah wanted to return home) she couldn't wear that ring. By leaving she had broken that promise and she would put it back on once she would make a new and lasting promise to her brother.
"You let her go?" J. stormed to His Father. "She's free." He answered. "She's dumb!" J. shouted. "She's gonna get hurt!". And J had tears in His eyes. "You can watch over her from a distance. But let her experience what she must. Trust her. I gave her all she needs. She'll figure it out when it is time."